This is the last of what I currently have transcribed. Now I have to look for the next book in the series and start typing again. I’m grateful to have this project!
June 4, 1920
I feel better now. Just as I was eating my lunch I looked at Tudel’s first picture where she laughs and looks so happy and I just thought how happy I was once when I looked at it while she was lying sleeping in the bed. But did I feel happy now? Nothing but ache in my heart. Forgive me God and help me to overcome it.
June 10, 1920
Yesterday I took Karl and went up to Martha. I met her on the streetcar going up there. She had just come from town. They were all fine up there. I am going to write something in shorthand. (I have not been able to find a person or group that can transcribe Ella’s Pitman shorthand.)
June 12, 1920
Thursday, June 10, I had been in this country or in Tacoma eleven years! Thursday I dressed up Karl and thought I would go up to Marie but I met her first as she was going to the ladies aid down to Mrs. Haugland. She wanted me to go but I wasn’t dressed and I thought I would go to the store and so I went. On the way home, I bought Karl and me an ice cream cone and I stopped in to Mrs. Sand. While I was there, Karl told me there was a man in the yard and I went out to see and it was Andrew. Martha and Thelma were over to Mrs. Strand but Karl went and got them home. After supper Martha and Andrew wanted to go to Pantages and wanted to take us along. Knute didn’t want to go but said I should and he would take care of the children. The show was real good. I enjoyed it very much.
The next day, yesterday, I went down town with Andrew and Martha and paid light and water. I met Mrs. Elder down in a bakery. She was so happy as she had gotten a little baby girl in February. She expressed her sympathy for me and told me to come and see her. From there I went up to Mrs. Martin Johnson. She is getting ready to go to Detroit to visit Peter and Gertrude. She gave me a picture of Lucille and Burdette. It was very good of Lucille.
A little later–McFarlane brought his pup up here and Mrs. Wog took a picture of them–all pups and Queen I hope they turn out all right. I have just given the three pups a bath and they are going to their owners tonight. Andrew wanted a pup and we will take one out there next week when Marie Hovland will take us out in their auto. She has two boys now. One 3 years and one 3 months. The baby is very big and fat. He weighs 19 lbs already, she said.
June 16, 1920
For the last two and a half weeks, I have been planning on going out working. Genevieve has promised to look after Karl and I thought if I could get something easy to do, I could try it. I think I will go down tomorrow but in a way it seems queer to go a look for a job. We take the Times and I thought I would try there. I feel as I could do something if I only got a start. I am going to try.
July 7, 1920
Of course I didn’t look for a job. I came to the conclusion I better stay home and take care of Karl and then I got enough to do anyway. Marie and Erling took me and Karl out to Gig Harbor to visit Andrew. They are all fine out there.
I have been feeling quite happy for the last three weeks or so but yesterday and today again I am blue. I do miss the little darling so. I look at the other little babies and then I think of her. Mrs. Sand got a baby girl now and so has Mrs. Williams. Louis got a boy to take us out to Eatonville on the 4th and we certainly all had a good time together. We were out rowing on the lake, Lake Rapjohn, and Knute caught two fishes. We stayed overnight.
Louis and Evelyn slept out in the barn and Martha, her baby, Karl and I, Mr. Elseth and Knute all lay crosswise on a ¾ bed. Knute, Karl and I went home with Mr. Aas in the morning at 4:30 and Louis and family went home afterwards. Louis came down to us for dinner but Martha and the children were too tired.
July 10, 1920
Yesterday Karl and I went down town with the proofs of the pictures we had taken of Karl. I’ll get them next Saturday. I’ll get 15 pictures and one big one for $7.50 for two poses. Then we went up to 6th Ave but Mrs. Hanson wasn’t home. Karl played with Norma and Ellen. I went over to see Mrs. Freese, her daughter is taking radium treatments to remove a scar on her face. Her whole chin was burned once by a cotton mask which caught afire. No result is visible yet but I hope they succeed.
Karl is out with Perry now I don’t know just where. I think we’ll go to Gig Harbor tomorrow and bring the puppy out to Andrew.
July 15, 1920
Will I ever get over the loss of the baby? My God. I ought to stop and think and believe she is a little angel but it is so hard to reconcile myself with that.
July 16, 1920
Yesterday afternoon I took Karl along up to Louis. I brought Martha’s apron up that I made for her. The baby looked so cute in a blue romper trimmed with white. Louis was building on a bathroom and closet. Karl had his haircut short when we came back last night. I went and picked blackberries and today I am cooking jam.
In the afternoon I walked over to the store and I heard somebody call “Ella” and I wondered who it was, but as she came closer, I saw it was Doris Lipscomb, a girl that used to live on Harrison Street and she and her sister, Leda, used to come and take the baby out so much. I told her I have had hard luck since she left and I almost choked when I told her that baby died. It seemed to come back so hard because when she left, the baby was just fine and dandy and they used to come over and play with her so much and she always liked Doris and Leda.
My God thy ways are, thy ways we do not understand but somehow and sometimes it shall be made plain.
July 17, 1920
I have done a little sewing today and cleaned up the house.
July 18, 1920
Sunday today and a beautiful day. I went to the Methodist church and I enjoyed the sermon and the singing very much. Now I am getting dinner ready. Somehow I feel a little better now.
The preacher spoke so nicely. He spoke of the salt of the earth. That good people were the salt of the earth. That many of us have to drink the bitter cup of life and sometimes a few words will make it less bitter.
July 19, 1920
It is rather cold this morning. It rained last night.
Aug. 5, 1920
Poor sister is sick in the hospital. She had an operation on her womb and she has been awful sick. I was up to see her yesterday afternoon and she said she was getting better. I also went up to see Mrs. Hanson and tonight I feel like going up to see Johanna and tell her she better come here and stay for awhile after she gets out of the hospital.
Aug. 15, 1920
Early Sunday morning. I got up this morning at 5:30. Have first tended to the chickens and have ate my breakfast. Wogs went up to the mountains and I am taking care of their chickens too.
Johanna is getting better and I suppose she is home now. I have to go over there today and I would like to go to the cemetery with some flowers too. Hoer gladestrund du fik paa ford betales maa sund song. My cousin Edvin Erlandsen always used to sing that and in my case it’s true in one way. When I got my little baby’s picture, it’ll now soon be a year ago, I was happy. So happy that I can’t explain it. I showed it to people and after the children were asleep, I pulled a rocking chair into the kitchen and just sat and stared at it for the longest while. Then after I placed it on the chiffonier so I could glance at it the first thing in the morning, I went to bed I took the picture of her when she was three months and she smiled so sweetly on it. Poor little doll, she smiled and smiled all the time while she was well but sickness came and took the smile away. The last time she smiled was I think on Good Friday night after she was babtized she smiled to her father. God help my faith that she smiles in Heaven today.
Aug. 20, 1920
Sunday I went over to Johanna. Mrs. Norstad was there taking care of her and Doris and that was very nice. Johanna gave me a bouquet of sweet peas and Monday afternoon I took them out to the baby’s grave. There was a funeral when I was out there. Then we took the car down town and I bought Karl a nice new coverall and he was pleased. Knut is just fine too. Has been busy all the time fixing up around the house. We have grass seed in the part of it now and tonight he is going to prepare another plot.
Sept. 12, 1920
Yesterday I heard such shocking news that John Sather was shot and killed by a hold up man up in Port Angeles where he has been buying fish for a fish company. I feel so sorry for Mrs. Sather and the children. She has four now. We went up there to see her this summer when we were out in Gig Harbor. She said that John had been gone a month and it seemed a long time to her because she wasn’t used to that he was gone. She had a little baby boy about 8 months old then and she was so happy about him. It certainly is too bad that anything like that had to happen to take him away. He was in his best years and such a nice man, goodnatured and nice to his family. He used to come and see us often up in the green house and he was here once too.
Oct. 4, 1920
Well this is my birthday. I am sick in bed and my sister Hanna is taking care of me. She came from St. Paul last Sunday night with her four children and her husband. He went Tuesday to San Francisco where they are going after a while. We had a fine time till I got sick Thursday and the doctor ordered me to stay in bed till next Friday.
Oct. 15, 1920
Hanna went to Mrs. Koch and they took Karl and her baby with her because Erling has a bad cold. I am up but I don’t feel very strong yet. My thoughts have been brought more back to the baby and her sickness since I had my mishap but I try to fight it back. Poor little doll it is so hard to forget her.
Oct. 22, 1920
Hanna, Arvid, Gunnvor, and Erling went down town and up to Mrs. Loney and her little baby Borghild is home with me and Karl as Knute went to Vikings.
Hanna is going down to Frisco Sunday afternoon at 5p.m. That will make a visit of 4 weeks. I am getting better but have been purty weak so far.
Nov. 1, 1920
Hanna and her family left Sunday. Have been busy sewing all morning. I made one union suit for Karl and one little shirt out of some old underwear. I have a lot of sewing to do so I think I’ll be kept busy all night. Yesterday afternoon Mr and Mrs Hanson came up and had Norma and Ellen with them. That little babe of mine is in my mind. It is always like something missing like I am looking for some comfort. My God, I do miss my little girl so. Oh, dear if I had only known. That is just what troubles me if we had realized things might have been different. My God help me to become a better mother and wife and to do what duty I have to do everyday. And I might still have years of happiness ahead even if this year has been hard. I am thankful I have Knut and Karl. Karl went to Sunday school yesterday for the first time and he likes it so well.
Now I have to get to work. Today is the day. Yesterday has gone.
Nov. 4, 1920
My thoughts are mostly back at last spring. I can’t get away from it. It seems so much like my own folly over and over again I think of every week what I did and what I ought to have done. Now I see I can’t get any wheres with that so God help me to forget it and to do my duty as it is today.
Nov. 6, 1920
This morning I went back to bed after Knute left and I thought of the baby as usual I blame myself. Seems like it’s all my own fault now and I am almost afraid to think of the result of this constant mental agony and sorrow. I was cheered by Karl waking up and his talk made me forget. Then I happened to think of a book I got in Norway. Mod Himlen and I found it in my trunk and read it or parts of it. I cried when I read of her sorrow of the loss of her boy and she said that she took her sorrow to God and found strength and comfort. So I’ll have to do the same and I feel more at ease.
Nov. 24, 1920
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have invited Hanson’s to come up. I had a rather unpleasant experience yesterday but I don’t like to write about. It taught me a lesson though and learned me some of other people’s character. So after all I suppose it’s worth while to come in contact with people from another than the pleasant angle I hope to learn.
Nov. 30, 1920
Well last night I went to night school at the Stadium High. How often hadn’t I dreamed of going there or rather at the Lincoln, but I wanted to join a class in journalism and short story writing and there is no class organized in that subject at the Lincoln. I was really excited when I got ready to go and all the way up to the school I thought to myself what a grand chance I had. There were quite a few people on the street car and I imagined they were going to night school also. I saw some people going into a show on Broadway and I thought to myself why don’t they rather go to n.s. As I came closer to the school, in which I have not been for over six years, I noticed that the ground in front had been changed. Instead of the nice green lawn and flower beds, there were heavy glass sky lights through which shone the lights of what I think is the new gymnasium below. In the office where I had to find out where this class was, I met Miss Chesney, a teacher I had at the Bryan School. I spoke to her and she said she remembered my face but could not remember which one of the girls I were. So I told her. Did you go any further than the 8th grade?, she asked. “Yes I went all through high school.” “Good, “she said. I told her I was going to take journalism. She advised me to take a course in public speaking and I might. It seemed so queer to see all kinds of people in all ages. Last time I was there, the halls were filled with only young students. Now there were a group of Japanese men standing by the stairway on the first floor and some short fat people came walking through the halls.
Dec. 11, 1920
I read a story today in Decohra haten called “Blaaveis.” I got such a queer sensation after reading that. I brought me back into the past.
Dec. 17, 1920
Well, it’s just a week till Xmas Eve. Knute started to work nights on Monday. Somehow or other when he started to work nights again, something he has not done since last Jan. or Feb. and it has just reminded me so much of our little sweetheart who went and I have felt so heavy and blue but I’ll have to make Christmas nice for Karl and Knute. I just wonder how things will be next year. I hope it will be better. God help me to be good and make me a good wife and mother. Wed. night I took Karl and went up to Mrs. Koch. They had it so nice and cozy up there. A good fire was burning in the heating stove in their cozy dining room. Mrs. Koch was sitting embroidering and Mr. Koch was smoking his pipe when I came or perhaps he just was reading the paper. They were glad to see me and I had a nice time. I had on my new green silk and wool poplin dress that she helped me make and Karl wore his new black coat with the bright sailor buttons that I just made for him. After supper I played on the player piano but I could only play one piece as Karl was getting so tired that we had to go home. After I got in bed, I heard somebody come up on the porch and knock and I wondered who it could be. Then I heard Mrs Strand tell me not to get frightened, that it was only her and I went to the door and she said she had someone for me and it was Martha from Gig Harbor. I was glad to see her. She was on the jury and the case lasted too long for her to get the boat home. She looked fine herself and the children and Andrew were pretty well.
Dec. 20, 1920
It is not all who has it so pleasant. Mrs. McFarlane had been expecting a baby and Sunday night it came, a twelve pound baby boy but he was too big and died before he was born, so there is disappointment a little all over. I suppose none can escape it, sooner or later it comes to us all.
Dec. 22, 1920
Yesterday I went downtown and bought a few things. I met Roberta Miller. Well she is married now and has a girl about three. Then when I was going home I met Mrs. Andersen. She got a baby boy two months ago. I just hung up my front room curtain and I am getting things ready for Xmas.
Dec. 24, 1920
Today is Xmas Eve. Karl got a wagon and lots of toys. Hanna sent me a pair of silk stockings. Knut got a necktie from Falks. Karl got a mouth organ. Knut gave me a teapot.
Dec. 28, 1920
Last night we went to the Christmas program. Karl was in it for the first time and had a little piece to say. ”Little feet to win his ways, little lips to sing his praise.” Johanna and Doris were there too and Mrs. Norstad. The program was just fine and I enjoyed it and Knute did too. We each got an apple and Karl got a box of candy and nuts. We all have a cold now.
New Years Eve 1920
It is now almost eleven o’clock and as the New Year is almost here I pray to the almighty that I may be strong and do my duties better in the New Year. This year has been hard for me, for us all, but it might yet be a blessing, who knows.
Jan. 15, 1921
Well I hope I feel better tomorrow. Really I haven’t been feeling good and I have been so worried. Good night and God bless us all.
Jan. 18, 1920
My oh my. I don’t know where this going to land at. I think the old kidney trouble has started up again and it makes me so afraid and worried. I am going to see the doctor this afternoon. Some how I think I will be all right soon though but I haven’t slept good at night so I feel rather punk.
Jan. 23, 1921
I didn’t go to the doctor. I feel better physically but I am so downhearted. I was just thinking the other day that it is almost ten months since our baby died. Oh, what an endless time it seems. My heart aches and the sorrow seems so hard that I can’t hardly bear it. I have to pray to God that I may bear it and overcome it. In time life may again look brighter to me. If it wasn’t that I think that our little baby’s death could have been prevented, if she had had better care, and I had understood her sickness better it would not have been so hard. But the self-accusation of lack of understanding to have the doctor earlier and everything makes me feel so blue, so blue. On the opposite side of this book is dated Nov, 13, 1915. Right after I was married. I made me feel better and I will start to clean up the house.
Jan. 28, 1921
Karl is sound asleep by my side. Poor fellow, he woke up so early and he was so tired tonight.
Feb. 5, 1921
Yesterday I took Karl and went to Johanna. She had just gotten up when I came as Einar is not working. They played on the piano and we sang church hymns and had a nice time.
But Knute wants me to go to the doctor and find out if there is anything wrong with my kidneys as I haven’t been feeling right but I hate to go to the doctor but I owe it to Knute to go so I think I’ll get ready and go right today. Oh, my heart has been so heavy as the time grows near that my little baby got sick last year. I can’t get it out of my mind. It just seems to take my strength away. The sorrow is so bitter. If it wasn’t that I thought that a better doctor care could have saved her it wouldn’t have been so hard.
Feb. 10, 1921
Karl has a cold and it is raining and blowing so hard today so he has to stay in all day. I found him my doll today that I gave his sister when she was three months old and he surely enjoys it. He thinks it’s so cute and he keeps on dressing and undressing it. I had that doll to give to the Chinese Mission in 1912 when I went to Mrs. Radish’s Sunday School Class. Some of us girls never got them ready and I was one of those so that’s why I have mine. Well, I hope Karl gets better soon. Seems like he got a touch of asthma again. It’s always a worry when he is not feeling well.
March 26, 1921
Now I see it’s almost a month and a half that I haven’t written in this book. Well, Karl is feeling fine again. I had Quevli up and he gave Karl a prescription for cough medicine. He had quite a cough and it lasted quite awhile too but now he is well and I am glad of it. Today is Easter Eve. My what a hard time I had last Easter Eve and poor sis. She had the hardest of all. Poor darling. I try to be happy, to thank God that I have Knute and Karl and now it seems as if it has been easier for me for a few weeks. But many times a day as I picture her as she would have been today when she could see the other little tots of her age.
April 27, 1921
Now we have passed through sickness. Knut had grippe and bronchitis and was home for nearly two weeks. Karl and I were sick for a couple of days. I have been pretty busy and feeling quite well otherwise. I made three shirts for Clarence Tonning. Got $2.00 for them. Then I made a sailor blouse for Karl so now he has a whole suit. I am going to have his picture taken soon. Then I have planted a pretty big garden. Today I sent a package to Detroit. Two blue & white rompers, two ferris waists for Burdette. A white dress for the baby and a dress good for Lucille. So I hope they get it all right.
Sept. 8, 1921
The summer has gone since I last wrote in this book. But I have been very busy this summer. We are all feeling fine. Karl has grown so much and is getting to be a fine big boy now.
My garden turned out fine and we have real nice potatoes too. Yesterday, Stensvolds were up for dinner and stayed over night. They have the sweetest little baby girl, 15 months old. She has light curly hair.
Sept. 27, 1921
It’s always a worry when Karl don’t feel good. Now he has such a bad cold again, is breathing heavy and is warm and feverish. I didn’t call the doctor but I went and bought castor oil and oranges and gave him a dose. Then I steamed and rubbed him with oil of Eucalyptus. So I hope his cough loosens up till tomorrow. Knut is working from 12a.m. till 7a.m. and has just left. So that leaves me alone at night. Last night Karl wasn’t sick so I slept but tonight I am too worried to sleep. I hope to God he gets better soon.
Oct 4, 1921
My birthday again.
Knut and Karl are both asleep. Karl isn’t quite well of his cough yet but he is much better. Knut works nights now and has to go to work at 11 o’clock. Knut bought me a pair of silk stockings for a present. Everybody has been so nice to me. About two weeks ago they had a shower on me and I got some lovely things. Some other time I will go more in detail but I surely was happy to get all the pretty things.
I wonder what I can write next birthday if God wills. Time changes so. Two yeas ago, we had a baby, Irene, here with us. Last year I was sick in bed. Thank God this year I am feeling fine. I have been thinking so much of two years ago and the baby.
My faults are many I realize it. I am not the mother I ought to be. I lack in patience and the tasks of motherhood are hard. God, I pray thee make me a better mother that I might bring up my boy in the way and so he can be a blessing for himself and others. Show me the way and give me the strength. Make me also a good wife. My faults are many, I realize but I want to do good. I want to be a good mother and wife. I have great hopes for Karl if I can only direct him in the right way. Amen.
Oct. 29, 1921
Hanna and her family has just been here from San Francisco. They left for St. Paul last night.
Dec. 18, 1921
Today it is Sunday before Christmas and it is snowing and cold. I just dressed Karl up good and sent him to Sunday school. Knut went duck hunting but I hope he comes back soon because I would like to go to church today. Next Sunday is Xmas day and Karl is sure looking forward to Christmas. I let him help make candy today. He put it on and cracked some hazel nuts to put in it and the candy turned out fine.
Louis was down about two weeks ago and paper-hanged our bedroom and kitchen and now it looks so light and nice in both rooms. The kitchen has oilcloth half ways up and that makes it nice so we can wipe off spots.
Thanksgiving we were out to Hanna’s for turkey dinner. J. Strand and family were there too. We sure had a nice dinner and supper and enjoyable time.
I have been bothered with bronchitis this fall but now I am almost over it. I got some good medicine from Dr. Quevli.
I am just waiting every day for something to happen now. It is supposed to arrive this week. Mrs. Johnson is coming to take care of me. I hope all goes well.
Dec. 22, 1921
Karl and I have been making some nice cookies and he surely enjoyed to help. He says he wants to learn how to cook. Now I am going to make Fattigman and fruit cake. Knut and Karl went downtown yesterday so Karl could see Santa Claus. Day before yesterday we got a letter from Hanna. They had gotten a six room house and was settled down once more. Then we got a wedding picture of Ida and her husband. I just wonder when my Christmas present will arrive. I have been looking for it for three days now. Every night before I go to bed I try to have everything just so, so in case anything does happen. But I am glad I get a chance to fix up for Xmas too to make it cozy for Knut and Karl. Karl got a piece for the Sunday School Xmas program. “We are little tots you see, But we are glad as we can be, Because it’s happy Christmas Day, Now that’s enough for us to say.”
Tuesday Knut took Karl along to get a Christmas tree and they got a very pretty one.
Dec. 23, 1921
Karl and I trimmed the tree now tonight. It looks real pretty and Karl is so happy about it. He had his bath and is now sound asleep. Knut went to the Vikings and I am getting ready for bed. Johanna, Doris and Einar were here yesterday with a package. Einar had his arm broken about three weeks ago. Well, I am tired and I must hurry to bed.
Dec. 26, 1921
Now Christmas is almost over. Karl is going to Xmas program up to Sunday School tomorrow night. I’ll have to tell about our presents. We have all had a nice and enjoyable Xmas. Karl got a train from papa, building blocks from me, pretty little yellow and black cap from Johanna and I got a pair of pillow cases from her and one pair from Mrs. Hanson. Knut got a pair of socks from them and Karl 2 little storybooks. Then he got a pocket knife from Aunt Hanna today.
I don’t feel so very well and besides it’s bedtime so I must go to sleep now. Goodnight.
New Years Day Jan. 1, 1922
Happy New Year. We just came home from Strand’s. Hansons were up for dinner and they asked us down for supper. The children all had a great time. When we came home there was a package under the sack on the porch and when we opened it, there was a lunch for me from Martha and Louis, a necktie for Knute and two handkerchiefs with pictures on for Karl. Well I hope we can all be well and happy this year. We have had a nice Xmas. Goodnight.
Jan. 3, 1922
Tonight I don’t feel very well. Something might happen before morning. Baby might come tonight.
Jan. 22, 1922
I have been reading a little of what has been written in this book. This book covers the events of six and a half years. I bought it right after I was married. As I read the descriptions of the good times I had before it seems so queer that I should have been so happy then because now since my baby girl went there hasn’t been a day hardly that has been without the memory and regret. It surely is true that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I cannot help but think now and it seems more plain than ever that if she had had castor oil and injections that week after she got sick, she might not have gotten so bad. I gave her castor oil and injection as the doctor told me once but then I thought that was enough. I know I shouldn’t think of those things but I can’t help it and that it is too late hurts me more than anything. There are of course people who say she is better off and she probably is but it is hard to be comforted that way.
God help me and give me wisdom and strength and patience to do justice and right to the two boys I have. To bring up little ones is a great task and I ask Thy help. My little Robert Stanley is a sweet little baby. He is getting to smile so much to me. And I realize now that no matter how many babies I will have, no one will take that place of Irene. It is true that each little baby has its place in the heart of the mother. A lady told me that once. But I pray to God Let the love spent on the little girl be multiplied and be a blessing for the little boys while they grow to manhood. I have had a craving for expressing my thoughts. Now that I have I feel better. May we all do our duty and be good parents.
Feb. 20, 1922
Today it is beautiful. Sunshine and the air feels so good. The baby boy is laying quietly in the bed. He is awake after a long nap this forenoon. Thank God for the boy. I ought to be very happy now that I have a baby again and am getting my strength back, though slowly. But my thoughts wander back to two years ago now just as before. But I must wake up and realize my duties of today. I have lots to do. I have two boys to bring up to manhood. One that requires a great deal of patience, and I pray God to give me patience to see my duty toward him as it is. This is the first time I have written in this book since I got the baby. I have been nowhere so far and the baby is almost seven weeks. He weighed over 9 lbs., over 10 with the clothes on and he is getting big. Now he smiles to me and talks a little. He has kept me busy and I have been weak and I am not very strong yet but I hope I get better as the days go.
March 22, 1922
The baby has a cough now. He has had a rattling in the chest for a while and I think maybe we better call the doctor. Seems like it’s always something.
March 25, 1922
The children are sleeping now. Both have a cold. Baby doesn’t cough so much and it is loosening up on him more, so I didn’t call the doctor. It is rather hard to know what to do but he seemed quite bright so I thought he would be all right. I have steamed him with oil of eucalyptus several times a day. Made kind of a tent out of the umbrella and put some cloth over it in the bed. Then I had to watch so it didn’t get too strong for him as he is so tiny yet. I gave him caster oil too.
At this time of the year everything brings back so vividly and I live through the sorrow over and over again. Sometimes I remember a certain day and I say, why didn’t I get the doctor that day and how differently all would have been, but it is useless. We live only one day at a time and that day is today. If we act and do that day as we should, there would be no regrets. But our mistakes and lots of things are done in the best way we think but afterwards often when it is too late we realize our mistakes. But really when I look at things how they are, I realize I got lots to live for. I married the man I loved and there is no cloud on our happiness. As Knute says, we haven’t had a real quarrel yet and then we have two nice boys to bring up. There is a lot of good to be done. We should think of the ones that have it worse when we are in trouble ourselves. There are those who are alone who have no one to call their own, who have nothing at all, still they have to live and struggle on. I have to write a line that occurs to me “Into each life some rain must fall.”
Maybe after all, God meant the rain to fall into my young life. I was barely 26 years old. Maybe it was for a purpose. I have had to pray to God and ask his help to bear it. It has seemed so hard.
April 2, 1922
I thought I better give him (baby) castor oil for his cough. Now he is so constipated. I thought it would be the best for him to get a physic and get cleared out so I gave him a half teaspoon full of castor oil. Well then he got constipated and I phoned up Dr. Heaton and he told me to get aromatic cascara. Well that doesn’t seem to have much affect on him. I must have gotten into a terrible habit to worry. I worry about everything. Now that worries me so it makes me almost sick.
April 18, 1922
I am anxiously waiting for Karl to come home. He went down to Portland Avenue to see Albert and he hasn’t come home yet. It is now after 9 o’clock. I can’t understand why he doesn’t come. Really I am so worried for the kid. I have been frightened so many times but he has never been out this late. Knute went to phone again. 10:45pm. No he didn’t He went down to Mrs. McFarland and got Karl home so he is asleep now. He was so tired. Floyd and Margaret Hendriksen, our neighbor’s children are sick.
April 29, 1922
It’s almost 12 o’clock. Knut went to work and Karl and babe are sleeping. I just took a bath and I am going to sleep now.
June 16, 1922
I figured to write some in this book but I really feel too tired.
Sept. 17, 1922
Knute and Karl are out fishing at Pt. Defiance and I am looking for them to come home. I have the supper ready, a fried chicken, corn on cob, potatoes, baked apples and an apple cake. Baby Robert is asleep and I have been reading over my diary written in 1919. I haven’t read all of my diary over yet and it seems quite interesting. Karl is coming now.
Oct. 16, 1922
Baby is sick now. He has bowel trouble and we had the doctor yesterday. His bowels were fierce Saturday, stool just green, lumpy and even blood. The doctor said it was disintina (?) and I should was him out with starch injection. Not feed him any milk and cook soup for him. But he ate a little bit yesterday but, last night and today, he just seems so weak and he won’t eat any soup, just drinks water and I gave him a little of that medicine, the doctor gave me for him. Oh, but it worries me so, I hope he is getting better as the bowels have not moved today. Well, last night I got so frightened, it was blood and dark stuff coming out of him. I was afraid he was going to die. I was hoping I would go first, if I had my choice, I would rather die than lose another baby and now he is getting so cute, almost walking.